Thorny Roses.

The room have never seems this cold before.
I have never been so hurt.
Both humiliated and angry.
Believe me,
I had tried extremely hard not to scream.
My lips were frozen in great fear.
As you go on and on,
with your words like swords and razor blades,
I just shook my head and stared at you,
in disbelief.
in great despair.



As I look back,
way back way back to the moment I said I love you,
I was serious.
Were you? I wonder.
You brought me to tears every single time,
Even now.
I should have known,
that you are not the exception from any other guy out there.
No matter how hard I tried,
I can't seem to keep up to your pace.

Your words were so sharp,
and I had died a little bit inside.
My mistake,
I thought you are different from her.
I was wrong.
Past memories,
I'm all lost now.

I don't wanna feel this way.
Only 19, but tired. Very.
With nothing is fine,
I wanna get outta here.
It may hurt so much,
but I will try to hold on tight.
Y.

Il mio cuore è rotto

Huge sigh,I bent my head down.
Tears are dripping sore as I shakes my head,
My hands are clenching into a fist.
I guess I just couldn't take this anymore.

Yes,
I'm over-reacted.
I'm so insecure.
My patience is fading fast,
My mood is swinging, up and down,without any secure rhythm,
Never in my life I felt so alone,
Never in my life I felt this broken,
This feeling is so discomfort.
I'm so bloody in pain,
and I don't think I can handle it anymore.

I realized,
I'm not the only girl in this town.
There's more than one petal on a rose.
There's more than one bird in the sky.

Coldest eyes.
You've got the coldest eyes and the softest smile.
Your memories hurts the most.
How could an angel brings me unstoppable salt tears?
I'm so drunk in pain these days.

I can't go on living this way,
I wanna feel alive again.
I wanna breath life into the dead sea.
I don't want to lost control anymore.
Please Yvette, just once.

Someone catch me as I fall.
Y.

Unchained Freedom

Oh here I am,standing here,
I was alright,for awhile,
but only for awhile.

I'm scared of the dark,
I'm scared of the coldness in the air,
I don't actually remembered,
how my tears were stopped,
is it through millions of words?
or through thousands of faked smile?

It was tough standing alone,
struggling by yourself,
so so tough.
Screw all those quotes,
"Us standing against the world",
now it's just me alone,
"Me standing against the world",
standing against all the hurtful teases,
hurtful glances,
hurtful words.

There's no laughter in the air,
only silence everywhere,
the moment the elevator close,
I couldn't control myself,
I couldn't help but starring at your back,
crying silently.

Where do I belong?
how can I go on?
How am I suppose to live a world like this?
I really feel like burning the map,
and disappear,
escaping to anywhere but here.

I cried in the night,
I'm just trying to hold on,
No one can hear me,
I'm all alone.
Y.

Could it be finally?

How I wished that I can clear this messes up.
My day has been started good,
until you came and messed this up.
I was wrong,SO SO WRONG to think that you must have cared a bit.
but turns out you wouldn't care less.
I don't think I can carry on further.
The urge inside me of running away is strong.
So strong.
your ignorant is like a sharpen sword,
leaving my soul to bleed.


Could it be finally,
I'm turning from my so-called home? Y.

Just When My Anger Started to Cry.

You win again,beautifully.
I lose,just like usual.
like a criminal,
like an offender,
like a sinner,
with massive guilt running inside my veins.

I put up my own defense,
I prepared my weapon,
but you've hurt me without even try,
with your sharpest words,
the battle didn't even start.

I'm the one who raise the white flag,every single time.
I'm the one who make trouble out of nothing.
I'm the one should apologize.
I smiled enough,
got freaky enough.
and I don't think I can take it anymore.
someone take me outta here,
everything is in a mess.

I tried to hide my fear,
that's why I'm being fussy,
I'm really angry with you,
but still this guilt inside me makes me suffocating,
Your ego-ness is so huge that I can't even breath.
and serve me right,
my tears can't hold when you turned your back to me,
I fell apart, crying inside me, crying hopelessly,
Now I'm all lonely as I can be.Y.

Dear John.

Another love story.
Another one to make me cry,
and a few heart-aches.


"Two weeks together, that's all it took, two weeks for me to fall for you."


"I have no idea where you are out there in the world, John... But I understand I lost the right to know these things long ago... No matter how many things go by... I know one thing to be as true as it ever was... I'll see you soon then" -Savannah Curtis

LOVE,love,love,love.
xoxo.Y ❤

What about now?

So many things had happened in just a few days.
Bad news spread fast.
I still can't accept the fact that you have gone forever.
Fighting back my tears,I said a prayer silently.
I asked God,
Heavenly Father,why? to take her with you in such a hurry?
leaving all the sadness and loneliness behind,
just when they needed her the most.
I just couldn't understand Your plan.
Still,no one to answer me,
Left all my questions behind.

My heart is in pain. So pain.
An unknown feeling rushed into me when I looked at your beautiful face.
I tried to memorize your face,cause I wanna remember you forever,
though you never knew my existence.
There you laid,peacefully.
Where are you now exactly? I wonder.
Probably surrounded by beautiful angels,eh?
or sitting on Father's feet?
I'd like to believe that. :)

Final's coming.
and I still hanging there,nor up or down.
In the middle,I suppose.
I should find a ladder soon. Y.

I Missed U

I missed you. So much.
I had a bad day.
How is yours? I wonder.

I thought I was strong enough to smile.
I thought I can handle it myself without you all's help.
but I can't. really I can't.
I want to go home so dearly.I missed home.
I missed daddy,I want mommy,I need you.

Friends are like bees.They flies from flower to flower.
This are so not called friends. :(
I guess all I had to do is straight up and stay firm.

Comfort me? I beg you,like those days.



Good night,people.
Y.

I'm So Dead

Just when I thought today can be label as one of my happy days,bad news popped out.

Feeling disappointed over you.
I don't expected everything from you ever again.
Okay,maybe not ever.
But,you kinda lost my respect.
Yet you can still giggling with whoever is that over the phone.

Another thing is,
my Macroeconomics.
Might be changing my classes all over again.
I don't want that to happen!
I'm fine with my friends,lecturers and everything!
Screw You Macro!

Shredded to pieces.
Excited mood pulls off.
Depression increases.
Having a headache.
I'm so so dead. :(

Recovering ♥

I cried when I can't get hold of myself anymore.I shouted when I couldn't take things anymore.I hated myself when all things go all wrong.I don't want that to happen.I'm starting to be fear and terrified of them.Depression,Sober,Fear,Stress,Guilt,Disappointed,these things can really make one's feeling dying in their heart.Just like the Me yesterday.Tears are like waterfall,filled my eyes,springing down my cheeks.I tasted it.It's Salty.More depression.*sobs*

I felt quite cheerful today.It's not about a good day had started.Sunlight wasn't there when I woke up today.I can't get my energy from it.It's not about I had my breakfast today,which it's a rare thing for me to do.It's all about love.I got love from family&friends.I guess that their love remind my existence.I am still here.I'm still myself.Thanks guys,you all remind me that I'm still there.Thanks for your big love.Thanks Sam&Kerly,♥you guys are the best!!Thanks daddy&mommy and Yvonne,your love makes me strong♥.I guess I can get through it now.

Yes.I'm recovering.I can do this.I can go on with my life.♥Girl have to stay strong.

Wynne & Ade dear,do cheer up okay.I know that you two are depressed today.I know you are tired,but let us strive for our best okay?Promise me.Troubles are like washing machines, they twist, turn & knock us around, but in the end we come out brighter than before.So my dear,get over it.Whatever is bothering you,get over them.There will be no fear if you refuse to be afraid.I am very emo and tired and depressed these day,you can read my feelings through my blog,but I'm recovering now,I am.I don't wanna you 2 to be emo.I love you all.I give you all the love.Can you feel it now?I gained love from friends and family,that's why I'm stronger now.So I am passing my love to the two of you.cheers okay.I want you all to be happy.I love the two of you.♥

Weaker than Ever.

Got back my Acc and adv.Eng overall marks again.Sucks.Guess I need to put a lot more effort to my study(which I thought I'd put enough).I;m not satisfied with my research paper.I worked so hard on it but in the end I'm still a failure.A big failure.Tomorrow are going to have my last presentation on micro.Grreat.I'm so not going to sleep tonight.

Why do things don't get better when they are supposed to？I'm curious.

I really hate myself these days.I guess I'd said billion times already.I know.I just can't help but hate myself more.I'm such a rotten person.I hate myself.There's this girl in the mirror, I wonder who she is. Sometimes I think I know her and sometimes I wish I did. There is a story in her eyes, lullabies, and goodbye. When she's looking back at me I can tell...she's hurting inside.

Guess that I'm not going to blog these few days.I had to pick up my broken pieces and glue them together.Just hope that everything's going to be alright the day after finals.Y.♥

Greatest Fear

Things did get a little bit better today.Besides some tears that I couldn't control of,I'm okay.I'd tried to smiled.I'd tried to talked to others.I'd tried to finished my work.I think I'm quite happy today,can I count it as happy?I don't know.Just like what Ms Selina told me,Happy is a state of mind.It's me who decide whether I can be happy or not.Thanks Ms Selina,but why am I felt that I'm struggling for not let my tears falling down?Why am I doing this?I had wanted to be happy.I don't want to be emo.Why I just couldn't let go of my pains?

Message from God:
On this day of your life, Yvette, we believe God wants you to know ... that what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are.
If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears. God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.

Is it true?My greatest fears?Am I be going to find out soon?What am I afraid for?Y.

受了點傷

雨季好像開始很久了，我好像還沒來得及適應吧……
剛開始得開心幸福真的不會永久……
開心的日子很難，瞬間的幸福感覺都是騙人的……
只是一個影子，只是一個幻影，
如此而已。

我傷了。徹底的傷了。
眼淚已經止不住了。
就算止住了，心裏的懊惱，心上的疼痛，
好像不會痊愈了。
不管我再怎麽的擦掉掉下來的淚水，
好像永遠都擦不掉那份痛。
抽搐的時候不敢太用力的呼吸，
本來可以很好的，到底怎麽了？

親愛的你，對不起我傷了你。
我一直要保護你，可是我卻每次深深的傷害你。
你是我最親愛的，從我懂事以來，一直都是。
我疼你，我聽話，我幫忙，
這有什麽了不起，是我該做的。
你的愛，你得疼，你的支持，
都是我活在這世上最大的動力。
你的守護，你的心疼，你的保護，
常讓我安心，背後隱藏的又是一種無能的悲傷……
原諒我不敢擡頭看你，我不想讓你看見我哭紅了的臉。
我不想看見你我一直在隱藏的痛。
常常都只有你陪著我，聼我說人家不聼我的……
只有你知道我的脆弱……只有你才能了解我要的夢從來不大……
常常在你面前我不會隱藏，總是哭得最慘……

你眼淚掉了，我的也掉了。
多諷刺。
多痛。
我是壞人，根本是賤。
讓你一次一次的傷你的心。
對不起。
我不想這樣的。
原諒我沒法為你唱出你的生日歌……
我很遺憾，恨我自己……
答應我別再哭了，
我已經無能爲力了，別再讓我擔心你了，好嗎？

受過的傷，一次次的再拉扯我，
直到我心力交瘁，沒有力氣再痛了。

I swear ♥

My room's scene:a) Y is sounds asleep.
b) The fan is spinning and purifying the air.
c)The room's light is off.
d) My laptop is on.

Alright.I really swore to myself.After this blog,practice one more time of my presentation,then hit the bed. *Yawns*
I know I am hurting myself.I always complained that I don't have enough sleeps,but actually I didn't sleep when I was suppose to sleep,and I was force to open my eyes when it's time for me to wake up.

I just hope that I can get over my presentation tomorrow which I'd worked so hard.After tomorrow,I will be kind of free.Dear Lord,please have mercy upon my soul.I know You are be with me all the time.

My Ulcer is super hurt!!!*Crying* and I badly need medicine and water.Hope that it won't effect my presentation tomorrow.

PS: I want to be happy starting this very minute.No more tears.Y.♥

xoxo.

Called Me A CRYING BABY+LOSER...

Moody,moody+moody……
Felt alone and stupid sometimes...life in college really exhaustic...sometimes felt like suffocating,struggling for breath...sometimes it's not fun as I thought...Girl like me are made by tears...after crying non-stop for hours,still felt like commit suicide...then will stare blankly at the wall,then fresh tears will stream down my cheeks from my stupid eyes again...sometimes I just wanna to hide under the cover and make the bad things all go away...I want to cuddle up to the corner of my bed and cry to death...but I always found that I'm still alive...(ridiculous,huh?)

Keep telling myself,FAILED is not the end of the world...but when I think of it,I will looked death and my nose started to run again...I have no confidence when come to academic...although I get 6A3B for my SPM (mom said I should proud of my results,keep telling me to be more confidence),I felt like I'm not good enough...I'm an ungrateful child...always have daddy+mommy to worried 'bout me...I hate myself for being not smart enough (unlike brother+y.sister)...I felt terrible...horrible...stupid...

After calling my mommy,tears was not fully controlled now...she didn't urged me to study,she just used her most calm voice to give me courages,told me not to give up,asked me to study hard, "You can do this Yvette,when you do it with FULL-HEART."...her voice,ever so touching and light...Felt like making my pillow flood again...

I don't wanna to be like this...I can't help myself...I can't seems to take it anymore,called me CRYING BABY+LOSER.Girl have to work hard and be confidence.Y.♥