Right Back Where I Started From

It’s been a while since I last posted on my blog.

Well, many things happened and I don’t know where to start with.

There have been fear, tears, frustration and joy.

To those who doesn't know yet, I have switched my course to American Degree Program.

Yes, I have to start all over again, like a newborn duckling learning to fly.

Of course, I was unsure and bewildered at my choice at first,

It’s a huge giant step that I’m stepping in, and I have no idea what my future is going to be like.

Australia no longer and never was my choice.

Luckily, my lack of enthusiasm towards Aussie seemed to lead my mom to different thinking.

For now, my plan is United States, America. 
2014, perhaps?

Many people wondered, why am I fool enough to retake everything and start fresh.

Well, I guess this is the tricky thing about growing up, you never knew what is going to happen.

The path seems straight, but you slipped, tripped, and fell along the way.

These days, I have done a lot of thinking. And I mean A LOT.

I have come to realize that sometimes it is not about age.
 It’s about whether you have grown.

Age meant so much to me in the past. I dislike growing up.

I dislike the feeling of getting old.

But there are just so many things happened lately that I am really thankful that I’m not 18 anymore.

The way you think, the way you talk, and perhaps the way you see things, they are uneven anymore.

Sometimes, everything seems easy;

But other times, they seem so complicated.

You felt right and you felt wrong now and then,

And you just couldn’t figure out why.

I think it’s important that no matter how much you have grown, how much you have been through, do not be afraid to be yourself, for God has given you only one face. Don’t make yourself another.

Sightless Fear

You claimed to me nice and honest.

Never was any doubt in you,

You are the kind of person I've not had the pleasure of growing closer to them.
I believed we once shared a pretty pleasure moment.
Did we? Did you?
There's a mask you wore, my friend,
something fake.
and it disgust me. 
Plagiarize is a sin, 
take note of it. 
Should have known when we first met,
that you are a trouble,
doing things I could never imagined.


It's a shame that we didn't last long.
You once earned my trust,
but now you have lost all my respect.
So, stay as far as you can, girl.
For my curtains are closed.

Broken Lullaby

Heart twisting stories,

I'm tired of 'em.

Love at first sight? I think no.

I split "Duh?!", as you yearn for help.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe you.

You seem innocent, you seem desperate.

I shook my head, I asked myself,

"What's wrong with you, you seem so doubtful."

and that's true. So true.

I don't want to listen to another love story,

Cause I'm tired of believing in them.

This kind of thing, I suck at it.

What if I climbed the highest mountain?

What if I found the rarest flower on the earth?

What if I wrote the best love story?

Would you care? You just don't care.

What's left of me?

I'm absolutely, entirely, utterly miserable.

Our Love That Never Was.

Buy me some roses, if you would.

Show me your love, if you could.

Somber night, I couldn't think through.

Short bashful e-mails, all four of them,

lay ahead of me as I clear out some memories,

You seemed desperate, you seemed sorry.

Was is my smile? or my seriousness that blinded you?

As I think back, you are the love that I nearly got.

You tried some soul-searching, but my choices are firm.

Thus, we stopped right in the middle.

and I tried to sleep better at night.

You appeared and faded away, in this tiny dream of mine.

but it's over now, whatever this thing is called,

Our love that never was.

New Year. New Me.

I have never thought everything will turn out to be so magical.
Not since I received that disappointed midnight text message.
My expectations fell,
my hopes are dashed,
and I have not expected my day to be turn out like this.
There were strong anger at first,
then turn to huge disappointment.
I've tried crying, to let all my disappointment flow, but nothing seems to work.
You shouldn't have break your promises,
and I swore to myself there were no friendship between us anymore.

I picked up my unpleasant feeling and went to Shogun with my family,
Both Lil.Yvonne and I are the birthday girl so we got to dine in for free!
I was really having a fun time there.
Daddy and Mamsie cheered me up, as always.
It's funny how mamsie tried to cheer us up by saying something really sweet,
I tell you, parents are the best.
They will never leave.












Everything turns magical after our lunch,
Alex called. Saying that he'll be back soon.
My party turned out amazingly,
and I had a very great time and it's the first time I countdown for a new year with my friends.
I felt enchanting.
It's a wonderful close-down for my 2011.

Well, let's hope my 2012 will be a marvelous year,
cause I can't wait to dashed off all my resolutions.


Kiss goodbye 2011,
Kiss hello 2012!
Happy New Year peeps! :)

Life of a mess of a Dreamer.

Some time ago I was tempted by myself to close down this little blog of mine.
But part of me inside is not willing.
I wrote out my life and all the physical sensation I felt inside me,
seriously praying that no one is to plagiarize my pieces.
However,for the shades of grey I am feeling right now after reading my past blog post,
it is certainly not and never is my intention to emofied myself or my readers.
(Of course, if there are any readers)

I felt bad enough if my blog has ever made someone sad, I apologized.
It might not be a wise decision to close down my blog,
knowing that some of my friends might still be interested in reading it.

Way back to last week,
I had my very best day with my bunch of friends and my lovely sister on Thursday.
Lil.Yvonne and I are so excited about the Genting Highland trip and few's birthday celebrations,
though there is some issues arose with the new room-mate.
In the end the bunch of us managed only to have fun on two themed-park games,
which is the Merry-go-round(I forced them to take it with me) and The Flying Elephant(This I did not forced them) due to heavy mist and rain,
we did enjoyed much though.








Dinner at the famous steamboat restaurant with all eight of them was indeed very pleasant and delightful,
and I have someone to send me back to Sierramas!
That day was a magical day.








Mamsie is going to Thailand for a few days.
My, how am I going to survive?
I still have a little sister to feed to.
I missed her already,
like a child misses her blanket.
She kept sharing her cooking tips to me,
but I swore to her I was fine.
Well, we will see.
A little bit of malnutrition in me for a few days won't be a biggie, I guess?

Right now,
I wish there is someone who can lift my feet off the ground and sing me a song.
Y.

Thorny Roses.

The room have never seems this cold before.
I have never been so hurt.
Both humiliated and angry.
Believe me,
I had tried extremely hard not to scream.
My lips were frozen in great fear.
As you go on and on,
with your words like swords and razor blades,
I just shook my head and stared at you,
in disbelief.
in great despair.



As I look back,
way back way back to the moment I said I love you,
I was serious.
Were you? I wonder.
You brought me to tears every single time,
Even now.
I should have known,
that you are not the exception from any other guy out there.
No matter how hard I tried,
I can't seem to keep up to your pace.

Your words were so sharp,
and I had died a little bit inside.
My mistake,
I thought you are different from her.
I was wrong.
Past memories,
I'm all lost now.

I don't wanna feel this way.
Only 19, but tired. Very.
With nothing is fine,
I wanna get outta here.
It may hurt so much,
but I will try to hold on tight.
Y.